A land called paradise =]

I was reading my recent posts and noticed how they are all very serious. Then I thought to myself "why so serious lately!?!?" Thus I decided to do something a bit more fun today :)

This video reminded me of postsecret and also the video for "Dirty Little Secret" muslim style!

Some of the messages are pretty cute while others are serious and sad, but overall watching it is pretty enjoyable. It made me realize that other muslims are also different and not all extremely "pious" and striving to be infallible. It gave me a good feeling in the heart.

For you, it'll open you mind further by showing you that Muslims aren't just women in black outfits or men with beards who never smile.

Hope you enjoy it and tell me what you think please =] (including which message you liked most) 

A Land Called Paradise - Kareem Salama - American Muslim - Click here for more blooper videos

Truly representing this blog

It's so many miles away from me.
I could completely forget about it and have a comfortable life here.
But I can't.
I find myself experiencing severe nostalgia.
I watch videos of the events that are currently occurring and the aura that has taken hold right now and I get emotional.
I wish I could be there right now.
Then I wonder if I just thirst for that drama and feel of election time or if I truly care about that country. That's why I'm stuck west of iran, east of california. I can't decide and I know I never will be able to. I will live in a state of suspension never setting foot on solid ground.
But I'm sure I care. The history, the people, the hospitality, the tumultous state of affairs; they don't just entice me, but make me feel responsible. Is it the blood that is in my veins or the memories? I do not know but don't care. It doesn't matter. What matters is that I know I care and want to make a change in the country of my birth. Maybe not for a while but I will eventually.

It's not just coincidence

I'm gonna go a little religious and spiritual on you with this one; don't say I didn't warn you. ;)

In our lives we meet millions and millions of people. Billions of events happen to us and we make just as many decisions regarding those events. Is it all just coincidence? It could be, but I don't think it is. I think that every person that comes into one's life and every thing that happens to a person is meant to happen; there is a purpose for it. The person or event is intentionally placed within my path by God, Supreme Being, The External Force, whatever you want to call him, her or it, in order to provide me with the opportunity to make a difference, to contribute a verse. I have always had this shaky belief at the back of my mind but my recent experiences and discoveries have solidified it.

So I am ready for this. I have been inspired. I have learned. I have prepared as much as I can. I want to made a change beginning with being more conscious of myself. "Everyone thinks about changing the world but noone thinks about changing himself." I want to listen. I want to be there for those placed in my path and I want to make a mark upon their hearts, however small or insignificant it may be. I advocate being involved in world affairs and being aware of things. Here's my chance. I'm taking it willingly and I'll do everything in my power to make it worthwhile. 

Finally, a quote from the "Spirit" books of quotes Sara gave me:

"We do not believe if we do not live and work according to our belief" -Heidi Wills

Selfish

She sat in the passenger seat of my car; I said hi and she responded coldly. I tried to lighten up the mood by joking. She sat there silently. Finally I asked what was wrong and she said "It's all your fault! You're always late." Then she quickly wiped away a tear. That was the last complete sentence she has said for the past 4 hours.
Conclusion: I am a jerk of a sister.

One time my mom told me I can be very selfish at times, only caring about what I have to do and putting everyone else below me. I think she is right.
I have this I-wanna-save-the-world outlook and reputation; I put a tree-hugging bumper sticker on my car; I try to raise awareness of world issues. Yet when it comes to simple stuff like today's case, I am selfish, and I hate myself because of that.

I was almost an hour late again.
I should not have been.
What I was doing during that time wasn't that important.
I made a mistake and regret it.

I remember the numerous times my dad was late in picking me up from school or from English evening classes. I would be the last one waiting an hour after class was over; now I have been condemning my sister to the same fate, but I no longer will. Now, one might think, big deal you had to wait for a while, get over it! But I truly believe that losing trust in someone starts from small, seemingly insignificant instances like these. I honestly no longer rely on my dad. I've lost much of my trust in him. I do not want my sister to lose trust in me; I want to be the big sister she can talk to when she is feeling down, or the one with whom she wants to just hang out. I don't want to be the loathed, evil big sibling who takes advantage of the disadvantages of the younger one.

I'll try my best, starting...now.

It was 5:50. I had driven as quickly yet safely as possible from the library in order to get to the band party on time. I got out of my car, walked to the door to which I have walked innumerable times and opened it to find my friends sitting around in a messily drawn circle, talking and laughing. They greeted me as they usually do. "HI HEDIEH!!!"
I took a chair and sat there. I listened to and took part in their hilarious conversations and remembered all the times I have sat in that room, with those people laughing, playing music, being loud, and having an amazing time. I remembered the first time I walked into the room; I was a nervous sophomore, not even sure if I would be able to stay in band. I remembered the first time I played a song with them, the first time I laughed at their ridiculous jokes, the first time I felt comfortable talking to one of them about my life, the first time I thought to myself "I love these people despite their silliness and I will miss them when we all leave." Today I thought that same thing again. I looked at the seniors in band, the flirty one, the pothead, the player, the musical prodigy, and the obnoxiously loud one, and realized that I would miss every single one of them next year. Have I gotten mad at them in the past two years? Yes. Have I yelled at them at the top of my lungs? Not quite but I have yelled a bit. Have I felt like I would rather not be around some of them? Yes. But today, I had an epiphany and realized that despite their imperfections and flaws, they have made my life interesting, twice a week from 6-7:30, and I will miss their presence as I have missed that of last year's seniors.

It's crazy how people who you don't think would really matter to you actually do. I joined band with the purpose of having an extracurricular activity that I would enjoy. Little did I know that I would become emotionally involved with it all. I didn't know I would try to boost the self confidence of one of those kids by knitting him a scarf, or getting their help in making a rap video for a wonderful friend, or going out with one of them, or having a heart to heart talk with one of them about his life at college. I didn't know all this would happen; in fact, I didn't expect for any of it to happen but gladly, it did and taught me valuable life lessons.

An hour and 40 minutes later, I got back into my car only to find one of those silly kids standing behind my car daring me to back up; I took the dare and he pretended to fall down and have been injured. Naturally I went out to make sure he's ok and taken advantage of my gullibility, he actually made me somewhat concerned until he got up and ran off laughing. And then I drove away...

Disappointment

Sometimes we give ourselves so much hope that when we don't achieve what we had hoped for, the disappointment is major. At times you think you can do something, you put all in your power into it and the anticipation builds up. But something goes wrong and your effort is deemed futile. You wonder why it all happened, and reflect on everything for a long time. You just sit on your bend, look into nowhere in particular and just think. But no matter how hard you think, no acceptable answer appears. This is when you say, maybe it was just meant to be so. This is when people look up to find a God, a superior force of reasons. This is when people say "It was part of the big plan that God has always had for us." But these are what some people say, far from anything others can settle for.
Disappointment is most agonizing feeling after guilt. It makes you think you were not good enough.

Endings

Yesterday I went to a celebration of a wonderful person's life, and the end of it.
I didn't know her too well, but I surely do know her daughter.
I found myself crying though and later realized it was because of two reasons. One was that my dear friend was crying next to me and another was that the priest's words make me think deeply.
After the ceremony, I was glad to find a much lightened mood among my friends.
It's cliche to think and say this but when we walked out of the chapel building, all hugged her and each other and then began talking about other things and laughing, it seemed as if we helped her leave the loss behind, though she has seemed to cope with it very well already.

Today, I went to the last band concert as a junior. It was bittersweet. The director is leaving, he gave me an award and said that all the boys should emulate me. Imagine a band rehearsal with everyone acting like Hedieh....it looks too proper and not that fun.
But because of the circumstances I did not even say hi to him individually. Every time I passed by his parents I looked down or away. He didn't look at me much either. My mom was telling me her opinion (first impression really) about all the kids in band. When he walked up to get his award she said "He is a really really nice guy." and she only used such emphasis on niceness for him. Of course it was just a first impression but:

I found it ironically great.

Now I find myself thinking why people are often so critical of one another.
We're only human and imperfect.
Why not help each other become better people rather than look at one another with contempt?
I wonder...

Finally

A year of hectic assignments and studying, of copying and re-testing, of stressing and sleep deprivation. Now it's time; it has finally come. (My writing is starting to sound somewhat poetic; I'm blaming it on Mr. M) All I can do is sit there and write, dig deep into the crevices of my brain and pull out the details of the past, the scandals, the good and the bad.

So here I will go to bed about 1-2 hours earlier than I usually do, hoping that it will do me some good.

[posting a blog about an AP test is pretty dorky but hey, what do you expect ;) ]

New friend

Today was a hectic yet amazing day.
Hectic because of AP practice tests, rally, mathletics organization, and another club errand.
Amazing because of the great experience I had talking to the French tourists who were in the tour bus accident.
We got there and a few French adults came in; we began speaking with them about basic things such as their city of residence in France, their families, and careers. Slowly, a few told us bits and pieces of information about their family members who died in the bus accident or are in serious condition. I don't think I'll ever forget when a gentleman said (in french) "My wife is at the hospital in San Francisco [pointing to his ring since my French comprehension skills are not that great] so I will return to France some time later." I seriously did not know what to say; so I remembered a verb that we had looked up on our way there: prier. "Je vais prier pour lui." He smiled but I could see his eyes getting watery. Then he reached out and grabbed my hand, slightly squeezing it. "Merci." he said. Thinking about that single moment, I can't help but think how hurt he must have been and what an emotional toll this tragedy must be taking on him. It makes me sad.

Then Axel came it. He was a 15-year-old boy with a Rolling Stones t-shirt, kinda tight jeans, and somewhat shaggy/frizzy/straightened hair. At first the 10 ND girls were reluctant to go forward and talk to him but we did. He was such a nice kid; so sociable, funny, and fun. We all talked about different stuff, laughed, and became Axel's new friends. "You have facebook?" he asked. Needless to say, our response was quite joyous "YES!!" Then he came to the rally and definitely had fun.

So now I am pretty content and grateful simply because I had the chance to meet these people and Axel. Who knows, maybe one day when I go to France I can go hang out with some of the people and their families. Or perhaps Axel or Lina (the 13-year-old girl) will stay in the States for a year or two. That's all for the future of course; what matters now is that meeting them contributed to making me a more whole person and carving off the mud and gunk off my heart.

similar much?

like the sunset? like the mosslanding beach? like to smile? think life is a mistake without music? Me TOO!!

It's quite wonderful to find out how much you have in common with those you care about.

Spring break has been fun but on a scale of 1-10 regarding academic productivity has been a 1!! oh. my. god! I'm in trouble uggg

But I've gained skills experiences and memories and I've smiled a whole lot.

indescribably great

4 amazing days in nature
much learned knowledge
lots of "ooooh"s and "aaaaah"s
fantastic ending to it all with a text

The Grand Canyon was the most amazing natural phenomenon I've ever seen. I'd seen pictures of it but when I, for the first time, got the the rim of the canyon and look out, I felt so tiny and unimportant compared to the majestic and great and ancient rocks and river and caves. I enjoyed every moment I was there; well that's a lie because I did get pretty annoyed with my dad's childishness at times. Yet, overall it was an amazing experience.

Then on the drive back, I encountered a pleasant surprise: a text massage, short and simple but significant in what it implied. :]

I also finished knitting the scarf :) Max's birthday will be extremely funny but special this year. It is a sweet sixteen after all! Oh friends.

Fork in the road?

You know how sometimes you really want to do something but aren't entirely sure if you should? or when you do something and then regret it a bit simply because it was foolish or not well examined before done? I had both of those today. Yet again. I don't know whether to be happy, sad, excited, or feel dumb.

As I think about this my grandpa's trite yet true pharse comes to my mind. "Time heals everything and answers many of your questions."

I guess I'll just wait and see...and make the best of everything :)

Thinking about the negative possiblities to fully appreciate life...

Some times when I'm really happy or very satisfied with how my life is going, I take a step back and think about the possibility of something, anything, going wrong.

A few weekends ago, I was at my great uncle's house and saw one of my relatives who is a senior and has cancer that has metastasized and is expected to live for 3 more months maximum. She was an exceptionally bright student at school, and a nice and likable girl. She is still hopeful; she has applied to various colleges and expects to hear from them soon. Since she is a distant relative, I don't know her that well and have never actually talked to her much but her case has made me think a lot.

Life is so random; one moment I may be driving and a drunk driver may hit me and kill me. Maybe one of my proto-oncogenes turns into and oncogene (apbio!!) and cause cancer in my body, eventually taking my life. A dead person doesn't go to college; nor does she become a doctor and have a family. I hate to think about these negative possibilities, but I truly believe that if we don't think about how our lives could be extremely miserable, or that we would lose our lives much sooner than we would want, we won't fully appreciate everything that we have.


So enjoy it. Life is way too short. Smile, don't frown. Be friendly, don't hold grudges. Include, don't exclude.

Tears of joy, laughters of amusement, and a close call!

Today was a strange, marvelous, wonderful, fun, funny, and memorable day. It consisted of me in an extremeley hyper mood due to sleeping for only 3 hours the night before, my teacher screaming and nearly crying of joy, and me nearly getting busted for my every day lie.

I must keep it short and sweet today because of oh academia!

A day of snappiness

Mr. Micheletti: Let's bless the softball players for their big game today.
Hedieh: I had a really big performance a few days ago and you didn't bless me!!! (said in a demanding tone)

Apparently I was being strange and weird today; that is to say, I was not weird as Hedieh is every day but that I was different from my usual self. The interesting thing is that I had no control over it, which frightens me a bit. I even find myself wondering whether I have changed into a more critical, less friendly person over the past few years.
It is amazing how much people can change. As I write this I have a specific person in mind who has dramatically changed from an entertaining, fun girl to a very critical, gissippy, even self-absorbed individual. My morals tell me not to judge her; thus I constantly try to think about the variety of personalities that make the world, and all our lives so interesting and eventful. I mean, think about it, it would be pretty boring if everyone were extremely nice to each other or if everyone were extremely critical of one another. So I guess it's good to have people of all personalities, mindsets, and values.

I am afraid of change though; I know I shouldn't be but I am. What if the change makes me unlike me and different for the worse...

why a blog?

Here it goes:
I've been following my friend's blog lately and I have followed my cousin's blog in the past. I've always found it interesting to read them- it's like seeing another dimension of that person or just learning things about them that complement the views that I've had about him or her.

So, I finally decided to start my very own blog.

I can't promise to be consistent in blogging or anything of the kind because such promises don't usually work for me. But I promise to have fun blogging...that's not too difficult to keep.